Sarah had plans for this weekend....big plans....plans that were going to make her last weekend, before her third chemo, fun.
She wanted to go to the Milwaukee Zoo with Dave and the boys. They would drive to Milwaukee Saturday, stay overnight and then visit the zoo today. It would be a nice getaway before chemo on Thursday.
She made the plans and told the boys Friday night, when she was feeling good. Excitement was in the air....something to look forward to....something they would do if things were normal.
But, chemo changes things. Chemo changes everything.
Chemo creates a new normal. Chemo creates a new reality....a reality that creeps up on you and changes your understanding of normal.
"The Friday night feeling good normal" became "the Saturday morning I don't feel good at all new normal."
She couldn't do it. She couldn't go. She was too tired. She didn't feel good. She had to tell the boys. The boys had woken up at 4:15 a.m., waited until 6:15 a.m. to wake Sarah and Dave up. They had packed their little bags and were ready to travel.
She had to tell them she couldn't do it....she couldn't go...she didn't feel well enough.
They made other plans. Daddy could take them to the Minnesota zoo while Mommy slept. But, Mommy could take them to Target for a little while in the morning.
We are never prepared for what children understand....and how they are able to think things through and come up with the things they say.
When Sarah was at Target, Derek (5) asked Sarah if he could buy something. Davey (6) leaned over to Derek and said, "Derek, we aren't thinking about ourselves right now."
No, we are never prepared for what children understand.
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2 comments:
Dear Judy,
I wish I was able to express in words my thoughts as you have in your blog.
I read down to the 14th, The story about the canceled trip with the boys and Davy's insight was very touching.
However, reading about your feelings of sharing this experience with Sarah has touched me as mother to mother, tears are slowing trickling down my face.
Your journal would be amazing for any mother to read. -Kathy
This is a story to be shared. I think of Sarah every day and you, her mother. I admire you both for your strength and courage during this difficult time. Know that you are even in the prayers of those who are distant and those who have never met Sarah in person. She's a beautiful soul. Love, Susan
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