Is house cleaning the same as cleaning house?
I raise the question because I am doing one of those or both of those. I think my question has to do with, not only the physical act of cleaning my house, but also with the need to do some emotional house cleaning.
I think....I know....I have been deeply involved in "cancer" since sometime last year. First it was my 36 year old niece, Briana, who died of uterine cancer this last February. She lived less than a year from the time she was diagnosed. I spent hours and days at the University of Minnesota Hospital in support of my sister, Bri's mom. I was at Briana's bedside, along with friends and family, when she went to heaven.
The first day I went to her home to help organize and pack up her things was the day Sarah called me to tell me she needed to go in for a second mammogram and ultra sound. And, five days later she got her diagnosis of breast cancer.
Since that phone call, life has had an intense focus of doing everything we could to get rid of the cancer and then do everything we could to reduce Sarah's chance of having a recurrence.
It has been twelve days now since Sarah's last chemo infusion and she is back at home with Dave and the boys. I started getting the feeling that I had to clean. I had to clean. I have to clean. I can't wait for the lady who comes to do the cleaning. She can come too but I have to start. I can't wait. I have taken down curtains and am getting them washed. I am dusting. I am vaccuming. I am reorganizing some things. I can't do it fast enough.
I know I am doing inside emotional house cleaning. It just looks like I am cleaning my house.
With every whiff of laundry detergent and fabric softener I breathe more deeply.
The windows are open. It is a beautiful day. The sun is shining. The temperature is perfect. I go out onto the deck every now and then and feel the sun on my face. I learned from the oncologist that Vitamin D is important. A little sunshine is good.
I know the answer to my question. It was never really a question. It is going to take time. It will. I guess I am going to clean my way to the future.
That made me laugh.
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4 comments:
Facebook keeps telling me to reconnect with Bri. They have no idea just how much I'd love to do that. So glad Sarah is okay. Kindof evens the score a little.
Did you fold towels?
I wish I had as much energy as you talk of! I'd love to clean my house AND do the other stuff. My throat wouldn't be so sore.
I love you.
It'll be nice when this cancer stuff is all a "remember when".
Really nice Mom. And so true!
Judy, What an amazing person you are, to keep a sense of humor after what you have watched Sarah go thru. Sarah, thank you for the strength you have given me, via your Moms blog. You know, I always put one foot in front of the other, the thing is, my steps are so much less labored thanks to you two Angels. God Bless and be With all of You, Hugss, Bill
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