Thoughts About Today....First Blood Draw Without The Port

(Gershwin's Lullaby) Please click to play.

Sometimes, I think only Sarah and I know exactly what it is like.

Sometimes, all we have to do is look at each other
and say a word or two.

Today, when we met at the valet service at Piper,
we kissed and hugged and then she said....

"It's not going to get any easier is it?"

I said, "No."

I wish I could find words to explain it.

It isn't a thought.

It is a feeling.

As we stood waiting for the elevator to go up to oncology,
we talked with a young woman wearing a cozy....the little
knit cap that is worn to keep your head warm.

We learned she had had a recurrence.

She was two years out.

I wanted to ask her questions.

There wasn't time.

I had to work hard to make myself stay in the moment.

I had to fight off the "what if."

Sarah is doing well.

Sarah is cancer free.

Today, Sarah got her first blood draw without her port.

She said it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be
but that wasn't saying a lot.

Sarah brought me a DVD that was made by twelve breast cancer
survivors from Hastings, MN.

She thought maybe I could watch it in her van before we had to go our separate ways.

She had seen it.

It moved her to tears.

I said, "No, I have to drive."

She said, "I know."

She knew it wouldn't be a good idea.

I said, "You are not your mother."

She understood.

She just wanted to watch it with me.

I understood.

We don't need to say many words these days.

Our cars were brought around.

We kissed and hugged for a long time.

She said, "Thank you for coming with me."

I said, "I will always come with you."

And, I will.

I will.