I slept last night. I prayed for that. I asked God as I lay in the dark to please let me sleep through the night without waking up at 2:00 again. He answered my prayer.
I didn't want strength to get through another day. I wanted sleep. With sleep I will have the strength to get through another day.
Today is a full day. At 11:30 I am going to get my yearly mammogram. This year it is not just a routine appointment. Sarah had her routine mammogram in February and, following my mammogram appointment today, Joe and I will be taking Sarah to Piper Breast Center for the implantation of her port.
What is a port? It is a quarter sized thing implanted in her chest so that chemo can be injected into her body. No, there is no longer such a thing as a routine mammogram in this family.
Sarah will be having a regimen of chemo that involves four chemo treatments. They will be given to her three weeks apart if all goes well. If there are no complications she will be done with chemo around the end of July. If there are complications, such as dehydration or infection , chemo can be interrupted.
Chemo starts in two days, April 16.
Today is as far as I can get. It is Wednesday. I can only take one step at a time. I can do left..right..left...right...left...right. If I keep doing that I will reach nightfall and the days events will be behind me.
Left.....take a shower
Right.......go to my mammogram appointment
Left.....eat lunch
Right.....meet Sarah at Piper Breast Center at 2:00
Left.....get Sarah checked in for her port surgery
Right.....wait in the waiting room for Sarah's surgery to be over
Left....see Sarah in recovery
Right.....bring Sarah home to my house for the night
Left.....get settled in at home
Right....kiss my sweet daughter good night and tuck her in
Left....go to bed
Right....pray for sleep as I lay in the dark
See?
Left...right...works...
One step at a time....
Gets you where you need to go....
Always.
Postscript..........
Laughing I think! Did I mention detours and running into the unexpected things along the path as we go left...right...left...right?
I have new left...rights now...just an hour after I did my post.
Sarah is no longer coming home to my house following her port surgery. She is going to go home to her house. Derek needs her. All the boys need her. They need her home.
So, my left...rights will be different than I thought today.
I know to stand still when my course changes and get the layout of the new road before I take my next step.
Stand still and breathe.
That is my next step.
Stand still and breathe.
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7 comments:
I know about Left, Right. You taught me. And look at me now: All those steps have led me here, with two (2) beautiful grandchildren!
My thoughts are with you.
- Michael
Stand still and breath..amen
You are not alone.
Mom, I know this journey is not easy for you... it is not easy for any of us. But you do such a good job! You do a good job getting through it for you - and for helping the rest of us get through it too.
There are not words to express how grateful I am - that I know we ALL are - to have you for our mom. You keep us grounded, together, with our hands raised and our arms linked for strength. All the while we are laughing and crying together knowing that we have each other to get us through.
I can't imagine going through this without you. These are the times that you teach us how to handle life as it comes. You never stop being our mom.
I love you.
Yeah. What everybody else said.
i love you judy!!
(((((judy))))))
Hello Judy,
I just read the whole blog. It keeps me in a sane mind.
A couple of things. You look wonderful, the pink strands of hair crack me up and look so sweet. It's what they stand for your daughter and the pain of the word cancer.
Thank-you for sharing your gut. It is book material. From beginning to end. What a gift you have. Gift of realism and compassion, when I die and go to heaven I have questions for someone up there.
Why, do our children have to go through all of this? Sarah is doing great.
Judy thanks, you are special, and you are loved. Thinking of you and keep on writing. I'll see you at B.Dalton signing copies SOON.
Love Pam
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