I slept last night. I prayed for that. I asked God as I lay in the dark to please let me sleep through the night without waking up at 2:00 again. He answered my prayer.
I didn't want strength to get through another day. I wanted sleep. With sleep I will have the strength to get through another day.
Today is a full day. At 11:30 I am going to get my yearly mammogram. This year it is not just a routine appointment. Sarah had her routine mammogram in February and, following my mammogram appointment today, Joe and I will be taking Sarah to Piper Breast Center for the implantation of her port.
What is a port? It is a quarter sized thing implanted in her chest so that chemo can be injected into her body. No, there is no longer such a thing as a routine mammogram in this family.
Sarah will be having a regimen of chemo that involves four chemo treatments. They will be given to her three weeks apart if all goes well. If there are no complications she will be done with chemo around the end of July. If there are complications, such as dehydration or infection , chemo can be interrupted.
Chemo starts in two days, April 16.
Today is as far as I can get. It is Wednesday. I can only take one step at a time. I can do left..right..left...right...left...right. If I keep doing that I will reach nightfall and the days events will be behind me.
Left.....take a shower
Right.......go to my mammogram appointment
Right.....meet Sarah at Piper Breast Center at 2:00
Left.....get Sarah checked in for her port surgery
Right.....wait in the waiting room for Sarah's surgery to be over
Left....see Sarah in recovery
Right.....bring Sarah home to my house for the night
Left.....get settled in at home
Right....kiss my sweet daughter good night and tuck her in
Left....go to bed
Right....pray for sleep as I lay in the dark
One step at a time....
Gets you where you need to go....
Laughing I think! Did I mention detours and running into the unexpected things along the path as we go left...right...left...right?
I have new left...rights now...just an hour after I did my post.
Sarah is no longer coming home to my house following her port surgery. She is going to go home to her house. Derek needs her. All the boys need her. They need her home.
So, my left...rights will be different than I thought today.
I know to stand still when my course changes and get the layout of the new road before I take my next step.
Stand still and breathe.
That is my next step.
Stand still and breathe.