Wednesday, January 07, 2015

A Long Time

I haven't posted in a long time.  I haven't wanted to.  Since the end of July, 2014, life has dealt me a hand of cards that I didn't want to play.

At the end of July, my second daughter, Kara, was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma.  She didn't fit the profile.   She had been being watched and monitored for three years and was finally diagnosed.  She went through an excision of a lump in her neck, chemotherapy and radiation.  Following her chemotherapy she recovered at my house and I was her main caregiver. 

Following her chemotherapy treatments, and before her radiation treatments, her son, Christopher, was married in Cleveland, Ohio.  Kara was exhausted from her chemo, but with the help of a transport chair I bought, she was able to fly to Cleveland, attend the wedding, and experience each and every minute of the wedding. 

In the midst of her radiation treatments, her other son, Josh, was in need of gallbladder surgery.  That simple and routine surgery resulted in complications which resulted in multiple hospitalizations, a second reconstruction surgery, and recovery at my house.  On hold is a biopsy on a kidney cyst that looks suspicious.  Once again, I was the main caregiver.

If that weren't enough, on the morning I was to leave Cleveland, following the wedding, I learned that my best friend, soul friend, Joe from Ireland, had died at 3:00 a.m.....

My daughter, Sarah, and I made flight reservations to fly to Ireland the next day to attend Joe's funeral.  Joe was Sarah's son, Jackson's, Godfather.  At the end of this post I will post the song Jackson (age 6) created as he is dealing with Joe's death.

I write this with a heavy heart and both expressed and unexpressed grief.  I don't know if my grief over my friend, Joe's death will ever heal.  It was good to go to Ireland, good to see his body, and good to be a part of his Irish funeral.  Joe played such an important role in the life of our family.  He will never, ever be forgotten.

As I write this post I, along with everyone in our family, await the report on Josh's kidney biopsy. 

Here is Jackson's song that he made up as he ran around Sarah's house.  Sarah was able to capture all but a couple of words. 

Joe always used to say.......I love you very,  very much.  Jackson sang both his, and Joe's, words.

Joe, do you love me?
Very, very much?

Yes, I do.

Do you love me?

I do, I do, very, very much.
I want to be with you, but I'm dead.

I could be (missing word)...soul,
Walk over the clouds
(missing word) look down from the clouds
and say hello....

I'll never be without you.....


sarahww said...

Good post. Yes to all of it. I'm in it with you. I love you.

Lila said...

Hi Judy, i just read your blog post, and all i can think is that you are one super strong lady and you endure it all with such grace and love. i know you have God on your side and thats the only way you can get thru all that you have been dealt and He will always be there for you as you know. With God, all things are possible and He never leaves us or forsakes us even in the hardest times. you have my uttermost respect and sympathy for your loss of Joe as well as the trials and health issues with your kids and grands. we often wonder "why" but there is always a reason for all that happens. how you do it all is beyond me. im so grateful for all i have and close family and first and foremost God in my life. we to have had our trials in life as we all do, i just wish for you all the best and praying that this new year will be a good one for you and yours. also prayers that Josh's report will be good. keep us posted, big hugs for you, take care and hang in there.


Susan said...

Thank you, Judy, for your very candid and honest expression of your life and your family. You will always be dear to me and an inspiration. Each bump I encounter in my life's road seems to benefit from many of your inspirations. I am so grateful that your presence is intertwined in my life. Thank you! You have a beautiful family story. Love, Susan Erickson