I wish I knew what I wanted to write, but I don't. I think I am caught between wanting to review the last year and wanting to enjoy the present.
I think they are related.
It is the first time, in so long, that I am not thinking/worrying about something related to cancer.
Sarah is two years out and doing really well. For a while, in the last year, we were concerned that my other daughter, Kara, might be having symptoms of lymphoma. We have finally found someone who took her symptoms seriously and she has been cleared. My daughter-in-law, Sara Beth, had a mass behind her lung that needed to be surgically removed and biopsied. She has been cleared. No cancer!
How do I say it? How do I say that I don't have to wonder or worry anymore?
What I know is, once cancer has touched your life, you don't go back to a pre-cancer world. You know you are no longer invulnerable. You learn....I think I am still learning...how to go about life without cancer being at the center.
I am sitting in my favorite chair listening to a beautiful CD of Irish nature sounds......birds, water...even the sound of a train as it travels the coast of Ireland and I am feeling so thankful for my life.
I am still wanting to review the last year. I have had so many thoughts of my dad, who died in December of 2011. He enters my thoughts so many times.
When we were in Ireland recently I visited a cheese and fudge shop at one of the tourist sites. They had a whole room of cheese that was aging. My dad was a cheesemaker. How he would have loved seeing that. I bought a magnet of the cheese room. I bought it for him. I bought it for me.
I have things I want to write about. I might be getting ready to do just that.