Judy Explains

It has been almost two months since I last posted. I feel bad. I have had so many wonderful people who supported and encouraged me over the last half year as I trained for the 3 Day for the Cure.

I want to explain why I haven't posted. I thought it might get easier, but in fact, it is getting harder.

I walked most of the walk on Friday. With reluctance, but with cheers from my team mates, I hopped a short ride in the sweep van. That gave me a little time to cool down and rest up. I walked Saturday morning, but believe I got dehydrated, so did not walk Saturday afternoon. I joined the ranks of the cheering section along with Dave, Davey, Derek, Jackson and Tom.

Saturday night, I drank gallons of Powerade and got a good rest. By Sunday morning I was raring to go. As we were walking a sidewalk somewhere in St. Paul, my cell phone rang. It was Tom. He told me my dad was in the emergency room at St. Francis hospital. Sarah was a little ahead of me, and as she looked back to see what was happening, knew instantly this was probably about my dad, and said, "You're done!"

As soon as Tom could come get us we headed to the hospital. We believe he had a TIA, small stroke, and I spent the rest of Sunday and Monday at the hospital. Sarah was able to go back to finish the walk and share in the final celebration.

He is old. They can't do anything. Anything they could do would be too risky and could change his quality of life. So, we were sent home to take good care of him and spend as much time enjoying him as we can. It is hard. He looks so good on the outside, but things on the inside are wearing out. It is hard to let it in that our time is limited.

A week later, on September 4, we had a 99th birthday party for him. Following the party, the focus shifted to moving Tom's and my office, which I have been working on for probably four + months.

Everything that has happened seems to be happening so close together, it seems they are happening simultaneously. And, they all have emotion attached. There was no time to recover from the walk. I guess maybe I kept right on walking. I kept walking into the next life changing event or transition.

I haven't had time to feel. I knew if I wrote I would feel. I knew I had to feel. I just didn't know when.

Last week, I thought...ok...things are slowing down...coming to an end...the office is coming along...that was the last big thing that needed my attention....I can relax a little and do a post...I felt like I had abandoned the people who cared about me...I wanted to write and explain once I felt I could take some time...to let go and let down...

It didn't happen. I am doing a post, but not because I can let down. I am doing a post because if I don't, I don't know when I will be able to.

While we were moving, Tom got some hip pain. The pain moved down his left thigh, left calf, left ankle and then his left foot dropped.

He had an MRI last Friday and our primary doctor urged us to make an appointment with a neurosurgeon. With help from our doctor, a neurosurgeon has made room in her schedule to see Tom this Thursday, October 6.

I don't know what will happen. Our doctor was adamant we get in to a neurosurgeon ASAP. She said, if the neurosurgeon looks at the MRI, time will be made ... and it was.

So...to my dear family and friends and all who read and follow my blog...I wanted you to know why so much time has gone by since my last post. Life just got big. Then, it got bigger. And, it seems it is still getting bigger for now.

I got to have a few tears this morning. I held it together until I said thank you to the nice girl, named Holly, who called from Dr. Kim's clinic. She has a nice voice and she gave me good news. "We have scheduled Thomas for this Thursday, October 6, at 10:30."

Sometimes a job is so much more than a job. Amazing the gratitude and relief I felt hearing an appointment had been scheduled. I will tell Holly what a nice voice she has.

I will write more. I will write again. I promise. I will write for you and I will write for me.

Love,
Judy