I have to keep writing about life right now. Life, right now, is like an unknown road. It is unfamiliar, and while I know where it is headed, I can't see very far ahead and I keep being surprised by the ups and downs and twists and turns.
I often think of the roads of life and sometimes I give them names. For example, I might name a road Happy Road or Harmony Boulevard or Alive Avenue or Comfort Lane. It just depends on what road I want to be on.
The road I am on now is Cancer Road. It wasn't my choice. I was traveling along, let's say for the enjoyment of my children, Frontage Road. Oh yes, this is how my children know me. Mom takes the frontage road, and they are right! Given a choice, I am a frontage road girl all the way.
Cancer Road is a long and rough road. It is bumpy, hilly, curvy and you never know what is going to be around the bend. You better have your seatbelt on because you never know what you are going to run into. There are signs along the way. Four Chemos. Three Chemos. Two Chemos. One Chemo. You think you have arrived. You think you are home free. You think you have arrived at Post Cancer City. You stop and rest. You take a break until you have to get back on the road called Chemo Crabby Road. You didn't know that road was coming until you found yourself on it.
Chemo Crabby Road comes in disguise and in the dark of night. It is unexpected and piled with turmoil. You are supposed to be happy. You are supposed to have arrived at a better place. And, on Chemo Crabby Road, you actually feel worse than you did on many of the other roads. You look for signs that tell you where you might make a legal U turn and get off this awful road. But, there is no place to turn around. You have to keep going straight ahead.
It is hard. It is exhausting. There is a road that runs parallel to all of these cancer roads. It is always with you. It is called Fatigue Road.
I watch my daughter travel these roads. I travel them with her. Right now she is traveling the Sad Road. She hurts inside. Her tears are locked away. I feel them and they become mine.
I saw a picture of the Tour de France bicycle tour this morning and thought how those bikers' legs must ache as they pedal their way to their destination.
I wish it was my legs that ached on Cancer Road. It isn't. It is my heart.
I often think of the roads of life and sometimes I give them names. For example, I might name a road Happy Road or Harmony Boulevard or Alive Avenue or Comfort Lane. It just depends on what road I want to be on.
The road I am on now is Cancer Road. It wasn't my choice. I was traveling along, let's say for the enjoyment of my children, Frontage Road. Oh yes, this is how my children know me. Mom takes the frontage road, and they are right! Given a choice, I am a frontage road girl all the way.
Cancer Road is a long and rough road. It is bumpy, hilly, curvy and you never know what is going to be around the bend. You better have your seatbelt on because you never know what you are going to run into. There are signs along the way. Four Chemos. Three Chemos. Two Chemos. One Chemo. You think you have arrived. You think you are home free. You think you have arrived at Post Cancer City. You stop and rest. You take a break until you have to get back on the road called Chemo Crabby Road. You didn't know that road was coming until you found yourself on it.
Chemo Crabby Road comes in disguise and in the dark of night. It is unexpected and piled with turmoil. You are supposed to be happy. You are supposed to have arrived at a better place. And, on Chemo Crabby Road, you actually feel worse than you did on many of the other roads. You look for signs that tell you where you might make a legal U turn and get off this awful road. But, there is no place to turn around. You have to keep going straight ahead.
It is hard. It is exhausting. There is a road that runs parallel to all of these cancer roads. It is always with you. It is called Fatigue Road.
I watch my daughter travel these roads. I travel them with her. Right now she is traveling the Sad Road. She hurts inside. Her tears are locked away. I feel them and they become mine.
I saw a picture of the Tour de France bicycle tour this morning and thought how those bikers' legs must ache as they pedal their way to their destination.
I wish it was my legs that ached on Cancer Road. It isn't. It is my heart.
3 comments:
Judy, everytime I read your blog, it makes me realize how trivial so many things in life are. I know I have to take the time to put things in the proper prospective, and your blog certainly helps me achieve that goal. What a very fortunate person I am, because along the roads of life I met some beautiful people, and want you to know a couple of them are named Judy and Sarah. God Bless you Judy, Sarah, and your famliy. Thank you, Thank you so much. hugss Bill
Yeah, mine, too.
Great picture.
More to say, but no words.
I love you.
Well, and "you're right".
! :)
Judy. Thank you for writing this posting, because it really does help put one's life into perspective. I have friends going through Cancer at the moment, some are doing better than others and therefore I see the high's and low's they are going through. Reading your blog about your daughter is a real inspiration and I wish you all the very best.
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